Thumbs

You're gonna have to follow me a little bit on this one.

A couple of weeks ago, I looked out onto my little back patio and saw that it has been overtaken by spiderwebs. Everywhere. With a groan, I realized that soon-very soon-I am going to have to take a broom to that entire area and knock out every spider web. I think Charlotte was cool and all, but I don't want her relatives living in my patio.

So, following this realization and imminent eviction plan, I thought that while I was out there, maybe I should plant something, like flowers, or vegetables, or something else that's green and is supposed to grow. I mean, the space has a tree, some weeds (which have since arrived right next to the tree-looking at that picture, I just realized they weren't there when I moved in), and a whole lot of dirt right now. Plants would make it pretty out there.

Let me back up and tell you that every time I have bought or been given a potted plant/flower/whatever, it has died. Without fail. Even when I try my very hardest to keep it alive. My thumbs are nowhere near green, or even brown. They are black. My boyfriend thought I was kidding when told him this. Then his mom gave me a beautiful potted orchid for my birthday. I read the care directions word for word, put it outside to get some of the direct sunlight the tag said it needed, and......Santa Ana winds knocked it over, spilled all the dirt, and destroyed it. And Ryan laughed (ok, I did too.) And he proceeded to agree with me that maybe plants just aren't my thing.

My mom has a very green thumb. She's growing tomatoes, apples, mint, basil, rosemary, yadda yadda yadda on her little patio. Why didn't I get that gene?

So, considering my history with green, living things, I'm more than a little hesitant about picking up anything at the local garden center. But is it possible to grow out of the Black Thumb Curse? Or is it a life sentence? How many innocent plant lives will have to be sacrificed for me to find out? Do I pull the trigger, or just knock the cobwebs away and be content....with.....dirt?

Whoa...

I have this new route I've been running the last few Saturdays. It's right along Pacific Coast Highway, and I have a front-row, unobstructed view of the Pacific Ocean every step of my 6 mile round trip.

A couple weeks ago, I was jogging along around mile 4-ish, and getting a little tired. I thought, "3 years ago, I couldn't run this distance at all. I couldn't even run 1 mile. I wouldn't have even been able to walk for 6 miles straight." Then, it hit me that that was a cop out. Three years ago, I could have walked that distance, maybe even run a good bit of it, I just didn't know I could. I didn't know then that I was capable of pushing myself physically, that I was capable of 5K's, and 10K's, and not one but two half marathons (and more to come). I didn't know, because I'd never tried, and I had been scared.

Whoa. That was a revelation. Then God hit me with the bigger part of that: What am I not doing now because I don't think I'm able to do it, and just don't know that I actually can? I still haven't figured out the answer to that. What do I "just not know I can" do now? What am I scared of failing at now? What's outside my comfort zone, because it takes work, and sweat, and some pain, that really is possible?

Those are some questions I might be sitting on for a little while. I do know that this little revelation has given me the energy to keep runnning when I just want to stop on that gorgeous running route I mentioned earlier. "You're capable of more" keeps echoing in my head; when my voice says it, I'm talking about running. When God's voice says it, though, I have a feeling it means much, much more.